I'm not always happy...

I am not always happy...
I try very hard to be (or to pretend I am). I smile a lot, I joke a lot, I try my best to make other people happy.  But truth be told, I've always been a little sad, even in the happiest moments of my life and I probably always will be...

Things that make me sad:

• The tears in my volunteers eyes on the one year anniversary of the death of her husband
• Our cleaner who has become older overnight after she lost her son
• All the people that I work with, who have lost their identity and sense of selfworth.  Who used to be somebody, but who now is only a little old person stuck in a chair praying to God to take her away
• People who don't have somewhere warm to sleep at night and who don't know where their next meal will come from
• The fact that I will one day loose some of the people that I love
• The feeling off being completely alone, even though I am surrounded by other people
• Being so far from the place I grew up and the people I love most
• People that do bad things in the name of God
• Being loved so much by somebody when I sometimes feel I don't deserve any love
• Life in general

So there's a peak of the melancholic side of me.  The side I choose not to show to people.  Maybe I'm scared you might not like me if you get to know this side of me...
But hey, I cannot always smile. Life isn't always full of sunshine, and sometimes when you looking for me...you will find me - standing all alone in the rain.

The joke is on me...

I'm probably starting to become as m.. uhm, let's call it interesting, as some of my patients.

Yesterday we had an excercise class and as usual we combined it with some deep breathing. Somebody called me outside and I said to my patients:  "Just keep on breathing untill I come back"  When they all burst out laughing, I realised what I said. 
My favorite funny patient replied with an innocent:  "Should we stop breathing once you've returned?"

I do love my job:) 

Time flies in an old age home...

OT:  "Bye Mrs J.  I will only see you again on Wednesday, because tomorrow is a public holiday" 
Mrs J comes and gives me a big hug and a kiss.  "Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year my child" 
OT:  "Mrs J, I think I will see you before Christmas"
Mrs J:  "That's so thoughtful of you sweet child.  I am going to lie down now, this sea breeze really makes me tired"

* No, our old age home did not move yet, we are still in the middle of Johannesburg...